1/11/05
Everything was going well on that Wednesday morning, January 5, 2005, as 6am rolled around. Paul took the cooler chest down to the car in the underground garage of our Toronto apartment and I accompanied him carrying smaller items and opening the doors (the elevator does not go down to that level). We were well organized, giving ourselves plenty of time on Tuesday to do all the packing and transferring computer files from Paul's machine to the laptop. I had made a list of things to do and checked off items as they were completed; we had sufficient time to review things that we might need.Getting up at 3:00am had not been difficult since we'd arranged our sleeping schedule with that early arising in mind. Packing the cold food and getting everything down to the car went beautifully - Paul did a beautiful job as usual organizing the car even with the additional items we were taking south. So at 6:30am we were pulling out of the garage only a half-hour later than our goal. The drive down to Arizona for our winter stay was off to a great start, despite the fact that snow was lightly falling.
We had a thermos full of tea with milk for Paul; and I, having finished a cup with lemon before our last look around the apartment, would be satisfied to wait for the mix of hot chocolate and coffee until we were across the border. First though, we had the Toronto area early rush hour traffic to contend with and we had planned our departure to miss the worst of it on the always busy highways and surface "arteries". We were doing quite well however and had only experienced a mild slowing in the express lanes of the 401 as we passed the exit for Pearson Airport about 7:00am.
It was about at that point when Paul reached under his seat for the small belt utility pouch in which he carries his pocket knife, a pen, a couple other items, and his 2nd set of glasses - the reading/computer ones while wearing the distance pair. His hand didn't feel the pouch, nor did mine when I too tried as Paul continued driving. It had to be here in the car, I reasoned silently, since I hadn't seen it in the apartment after Paul picked it up off his desk and laid it down alongside a couple other items to be taken down to the car - and that area was definitely cleared off when we left. I unbuckled myself and began looking behind me in places I thought Paul might have put it, as he made hurried suggestions. He was beginning to get audibly upset and I urged him to stop the car so we could conduct a better search. Although he said repeatedly that there was nowhere to stop on the busy highway, he did pull over onto the shoulder under an overpass. I searched in my briefcase, while Paul said no he was sure it wasn't there; I looked on what little floor space was visible behind our seats and started towards a small box of "last minute" books atop another box behind Paul - no, he knew it wasn't in there. He partially opened the door to get out and look himself but large trucks were zooming by within inches. The thought that it wasn't in the car was "unbearable" to Paul since going back now would mean in the worst of morning traffic all crawling along into the city. And he'd done everything just right! That was the worst part of it, he moaned.
I was as concerned as Paul since of course he couldn't make the trip without this 2nd set of glasses. But we needed to get off the highway so that a proper search could be made. Everything seemed to be highway at least to me but surely Paul knew an exit that we could take. He was upset and I was trying not to get upset but just get him to get us away from the traffic. Didn't I think he should be upset, he demanded. Clamping my mouth shut, I just let Paul vocalize (rant?) while he made his way to an exit ramp and then pulled off on the wider shoulder. He got out of the car safely and around to the back of our Subaru WRX wagon. It took only a couple of minutes in that position for him to spy the case inside of a plastic ice container near the back (we use it to hold added ice in the chest when the reusable cold packs start to warm up). He then remembered how he had placed his utility pouch there on one of his very last trips to the car - and cursed himself for not putting it on his belt at the time (only to then have to take it off when reaching the car because it is uncomfortable to drive with), or not remembering that he had put it there.
Getting back on the highway took some doing as we were not in an "easy back on" location. I wished later that I'd calmed myself immediately or maybe verbalized why I continued to be somewhat upset on the matter. But I didn't want to prolong an unpleasant mood regarding not just getting quickly to a safe place to search the car. So I had an undercurrent of dissatisfaction, especially disappointing when all the preparations for this drive had been going so well. I didn't take the opportunity to get any hot chocolate/coffee at the Flying J near London when we made a bathroom stop. Although I had been considering doing so before "the incident", I'd lost the desire.
We actually got through the border crossing at Sarnia/Port Huron without any difficulty whatsoever and Paul heaved a big sigh of relief, patted my knee and, for the most part, I let the day start all over. (I admit to still having a tendency to hold onto a certain amount of old turmoil - otherwise known as "stewing".) We got to the Lansing Flying J, our first gas stop, where I did get my first travel mug of coffee and hot chocolate combination (this rather new location had been without a hot chocolate machine on our previous 2 trips). There was a little disagreement - and should have been none at all - regarding the naming of the two Interstates, 69 and 96, as they occupy the same pavement on the west side of Lansing.
Snow was falling lightly but almost continuously - and collecting on the road - as we made our way south and west skirting around Chicago. The traffic was heavy, many areas still had reduced lanes due to construction now halted for the winter and the road surface getting worse with several cars off the road into barriers or ditches creating sizable congestion, mostly in the other direction. Paul was really doing quite well for all the poor conditions, and some momentary confusion on his part when we neared the I-294 departure from I-80/294 combination realistically should not have been an issue of contention between us. I reasoned later that I was more tense with the road conditions myself than I realized at the time and so was not really helpful to him. However we got back on the proper highway, paid the (increased) toll and proceeded to the I-55 turn-off without any further incidents. Unfortunately, again I didn't "zero out" my residual of annoyance but rather had a now higher low level simmer.
Conversation while heading south through Illinois was better, though not continuous or animated as on much of past trips, despite the fact that the snow turned to rain sometime before the midway point. I had thoughts of what unpleasantries had already occurred and just didn't feel "bubbly". We both were glad to get to the Pontoon Beach Flying J since the previous stop had been back in Gary Indiana and a longer time than other trips since Paul kept his driving speed lower due to the road conditions. With only a large snack between Lansing and Gary, we were hungry and ready for the larger items out of the cold box, which we started while still in the parking lot and continued once back on the highway.
It was still raining, even heavier it seemed as we approached the bridge across to mid-town St. Louis where I-55 and several other interstates converge. I was amazed the first time we made this trip at Paul's ability to maneuver through the maze of exits and entries amid the actually 2 parallel sets of bridges that (the signs advise) "both go the same way". This time he however he was noticeably agitated (partly because there was insufficient time to finish eating between the Flying J and this maze of roads and to sufficiently pay attention to driving in these horrible dark rainy conditions) and, at his bidding, I quickly removed the tray with a few food remnants from his lap. The lines on the road were only dimly visible in all the rain, I remember noting to myself, as Paul suddenly veered from the far right lane to the nearest one going off to the left in a split - across the striped "no-man's land" in front of the overpass column. I let out a cry of alarm at the surprise - to me - action, "Paul, what are you doing?!" Several minutes of heated exchange took place, as Paul continued to drive, and at the worst of it shouted at me to, "Just shut up!".
We did get through St. Louis without any further road problems, mainly in silence. It was agreed that we would stop for the night at Joplin rather than go on to Tulsa, since we'd been slowed considerably due to the poor weather; it was already near 11:00pm. We stopped to gas-up at the Flying J first - after Paul first took the wrong exit - and then proceeded into "motel section" of town; Paul selected and I concurred without comment. A first floor non-smoking room was the minimum so that Paul wouldn't have to lug the cooler chest up any stairs; other than that just a bed so that we could crash. Actually there were two double beds and we each took one - I wasn't feeling particularly friendly and expected that Paul just wanted to sleep at that point. Unfortunately I found it difficult to drop off and felt a mix of resentment that he could so easily and annoyance at myself for not just letting him know what was bothering me before he fell asleep - that way we could both then be getting much needed rest.
I probably got about 6 hours sleep and did feel better than when I'd laid down. Before getting up, as Paul slept in the other bed, I did my usual exercises for my lower back and abdomen. The back pack with our morning powders and pre-meal pills were in the room so I got them ready after taking a shower. Paul was then awake and went out to get the cool box. He hadn't brought it in the from the car since leaving it there allowed the contents to be colder longer and there had been no parking space near our room. Unfortunately there still wasn't but he managed without difficulty - we were located right in front of the pool, a room we'd been in before on another trip (during the summer when we'd stopped rather early exhausted at 9:00pm and kids were noisily using it until closing at 9:30). I had my breakfast powders with thawed berries in kefir and Paul had his smoothie; all our pills were taken with our meal cocktail which we jointly mixed. We were talking and expressed unhappiness at how the day before had gone, but didn't go into deep analysis of why. Hugs and affection were plentiful. It was time to get back on the road - Casa Grande was a long day's drive away and it was near 10am local time.
The day's drive progressed fairly well, despite the sloppy roads and failure of Flying J truck stops to have usable window cleaning water at their car gas pumps in Oklahoma City and Amarillo - at both all were frozen solid. (I registered my complaint to Flying J a couple days after arrival in Casa Grande via their website on this matter, long register lines, lack of coffee and deficient cleanliness. I've not had any response from the company at this writing.) We scanned through the mostly wasteland of radio frequencies in Oklahoma, the Texas panhandle and eastern New Mexico, stopping when something semi-decent was available (OK City has an ok classical music station). Mostly we just noted the landscape - the frozen rain coated trees and other surfaces (except the road which had been warmed by traffic) making the scene in much of Oklahoma magical; the signs of driving mishaps from the night before and early morning; and the changing but seemingly ever present highway construction.
Our second meal was after the Amarillo gas stop, again items from the cold box - the last hard boiled egg, lots of cabbage, carrot sticks, tomato, cheese and rye bread. We both ate our fill and swallowed down our lunch pills with the meal cocktail mixed in our common travel jar before getting back on the road. Everything was going much better than the day before.
It was somewhere near Tucumcari, about halfway Albuquerque, with the sun already gone from the western sky that Paul mentioned not feeling quite well. My immediate thought, though I didn't say anything at the time, was "Is it his mysterious leg ailment?" (He'd been having an annoying cough and runny nose for several days though didn't feel unwell; extra vitamin C, echinacea, golden seal, and grapefruit seed extract had been taken conscientiously in the beginning but only occasionally in the past day or two because the cold seemed to be resolving and clearing up.) Paul assured me that he didn't feel badly, just not quite as well as he had when we'd started out in the morning. I mentioned not getting a really well-rested night and being a bit tired, but Paul said he'd done ok once he'd fallen off to sleep. Some minutes later, he brought up the subject of the "leg syndrome" noting that he was unable to palpate his left inguinal lymph node to determine if it was swollen - a sure sign from past incidents. It didn't feel sore to him just sitting there.
Not long after we passed Santa Rosa, Paul was sure that the "leg was back". He was feeling increasingly anxious, as he tried to describe it, unable to relax but the necessity to focus on the highway was actually helpful. He refused my offer to drive explaining that it would be worse if he didn't have the driving to focus on. The miles seemed to creep by for Paul and I was concerned that his focus might waver, though he demonstrated no lack of control in keeping the car properly on the road and maneuvering around slower vehicles. He was not feverish but he did complain of some slight nausea; I retrieved the plastic ice container (which had the previous day held his missing utility pouch) and placed it on his lap.
Paul agreed that we'd not try to get to Casa Grande that night. Maybe we could get to Gallup, he said. I suggested we just stop at Moriarty that was just a few miles ahead. No, he could make it further than that; we agreed that we'd stop in Albuquerque. A motel with a good bathtub (Motel 6s generally only have showers) was a must since soaking in warm water was very soothing and would help stop shivers that he expected to start soon. A billboard for a Best Western gave a location at exit 167, one of the first on the far east side of town. Paul got us there and into the parking lot and I went into inquire for our minimum requirements - unfortunately there were no ground floor rooms available and I didn't want Paul to try climbing stairs nor did I want to lug the cooler chest up them either. So with me now driving, I went to a Comfort Inn visible down the road about a block. A ground floor no-smoking room was available with a king or 2 double beds. I opted for the king although Paul might be quite restless that night, I wanted to be close to him.
There was a parking spot right in front of the room given to us which made the walk a short one for Paul; I brought in just the necessities for the night. While Paul was in the tub of warm water, which I'd filled for him, I skimmed the USA Today I'd picked up from the front desk on checking in. Except for a request for a drink of water, Paul was quiet in the tub for almost 20 minutes with the door closed to retain the heat; the cold room air was slowly rising with the heat now on. I helped Paul out of the tub, dried him off and followed as he weakly walked to the heater side of the bed on which I'd doubled over the bed cover.
It was very chilly outside and Paul was alert enough after getting into bed to tell me to check on the weather forecast. We had 3 cases of glass bottled pomegranate juice in the car which would make a terrible mess if they broke in freezing temperatures. I didn't want to disturb Paul's mellow state by turning on the TV weather channel so I walked to the front office to ask the clerk about the forecasted night low temperature - and get an extra blanket. It would get to 26F he said as he found the info online; just on the edge of concern Paul said when I returned. It would be best if I brought the 2 full and 1 partial case into the room before I went to sleep, but that it could wait until later if I rewarmed the car with the heater on full for a while (Paul did not want me to have to lift out the awkward and heavy cases). I removed the quilted cover and applied instead the extra blanket - he was definitely warmer than usual. He was given the same "emergency" items plus one adult aspirin. I then sat in the recliner at the far end of the room and skimmed the front page of USA Today as I tried to relax. Should I just doze here in the chair in my clothes and later get the bottles from the car? I was tired and even a bit annoyed at Paul since I strongly considered that there was a link to the high tension periods of the day before. I turned off the light and tried to fall asleep in the recliner but wasn't comfortable even with the head as low as it would go. So I laid down on the bed on top of the covers with my shoes off.
It was about midnight, when Paul rolled over and noted that I still had my clothes on, not conducive to needed good sleep. I mumbled that I hadn't yet brought the pomegranate juice in from the car. Paul replied that he could get it later when he got up to use the bathroom. I didn't think was a good idea and said I'd be very careful. No, Paul insisted weakly, just bring in the partial case and run the car with the heater on after covering the full cases with our jackets - that should do it. So on with my shoes and out to the car for the partial case. Back again in the car I let it idle with the heat on full after I covered both cases as Paul instructed. I just sat there for 20 minutes, not wanting to leave the car unattended. It really didn't take that long, and then I was undressed and into bed, which was more comfortable than the night before. I was ready to sleep through till sunrise.
When Paul awoke during the night - sometime probably about 4am, I did too, asking him how he felt. Much better, great compared to the terrible state before. I must have dozed off because then I saw that he was dressed; he replied to my question as to why saying that he felt good enough to bring in the 2 full cases of pomegranate juice. When he was undressing after getting back with the second one, I told him that if he could be awake and ready to eat before 9am we could take advantage of the hot breakfast voucher that came with the room charge. That sounded good, he mumbled getting back into bed. That way he'd still have his remaining smoothie for the first morning in Casa Grande.
A hot breakfast at 8:30 am was a pleasant start to the day which still had a long drive to go. This time I took the wheel since Paul still felt dragged out despite a good night's sleep. He thought he'd feel better by Winslow, our next gas stop after our fill-up to be made on the west side of Albuquerque. His left foot was a bit swollen, as was the left inguinal lymph node, but elevating his left on the dashboard was not possible - the car was too full to push the passenger seat completely back. He appeared to drift off to sleep a couple times between Albuquerque and Winslow. I just paid attention to the road and sipped my freshly obtained hot chocolate coffee combo.
Paul did the gas fill-up in Winslow while I cleaned the windshield - there was actual unfrozen water despite the subfreezing temperatures. We filled up the thermos and mug and were off again; I wasn't finding the driving a problem and Paul didn't refuse being the passenger. He did a good job of getting the snacks from the supply in the backpack once we were on the way and then finding our favorite radio station, Arizona or anywhere - Energy Arizona. We were back! Having KNRJ on the car radio proved it. (We stream while in Toronto.) It wouldn't be long now, just southward turn on I-17 at Flagstaff and roll down hill all the way.
I was driving quite well I thought even with snow now again lightly falling and collecting on the highway as we entered the far lee of the San Francisco Mountains to the north and west of Flagstaff. Therefore I was a bit taken aback by Paul's comment that I should stay out of the passing lane which was entirely snow covered unless I really needed to pass. My instinctive reaction to a critical comment like that from Paul is to withdraw and I could almost feel myself pull inward emotionally as I slowed the car and stayed in the slow lane. He recognized my reaction and instead of getting angry explained that unless there were tracks in the snow from recent vehicles I couldn't know for sure how good the surface was beneath it - was there ice?. Our tires were older now and had only 1/2 their original tread and Paul went on to explain that he had noticed in the rain and snow the previous day that they didn't hold the roadway as well as earlier trips. The reasoning made sense to me as I silently thought on what Paul was saying; I was actually a bit more concerned about the road conditions than I had been before. However, I just kept the speed down close to the speed limit and until we were several miles south of Flagstaff and the roads were again free of collected snow.
While Phoenix rush hour traffic is not nearly as bad as Toronto, we knew that we would now get caught in some of the Friday afternoon variety. What we were hearing on the radio was that several of the major surface roads were still closed due to very heavy rains a few days earlier, thereby creating even more congestion on limited access highways through and looping around the major Phoenix area. Oh Goody!! Just what we need after driving all the way from Albuquerque and both of us being dragged out. The radio traffic report on KNRJ (thanks Detour Diva!) gave sufficient warning that I exited the west 101 loop (which I had taken on the north end of Phoenix but had now slowed to a moderate crawl in the Scottsdale area) at Indian Bend Road and took Hayden Road south over the Salt River (full of water and flowing like a real river) into Tempe and back onto the 101 again in Chandler. From there it was a quick shot to I-10 once again and another 25 minutes got us to our exit.
Not wanting to deal with any possible bad dirt roads through a short distance of Indian reservation, I chose to go the slightly longer route that would be all paved road. The sun was setting but we could see that lots of sand from the washes had been washed onto the roadway near our house. Would our driveway be intact? We had spent considerable time repairing part of it in October after very heavy rains the month before and the thought of another washout was not at all appealing. (Upgrading of a culvert is still on the plans.) Whewwww..... Everything looked OK on first look; at least I didn't see anything major as I drove up on the cement pad. All we needed to do was get ourselves and the food inside - and then crash.
That's all we did that evening - the food got put away, Paul showered, we took our bedtime powders and pills and we fell asleep.
The next morning was a cloudy one outside but a friendly one inside. We talked about the trip - the many unpleasant moments and what we'd each learned about ourself and the other. Did the extreme tension precipitate Paul's mystery leg syndrome? We don't really know since there have been other incidents when no preceding high tension episode can be identified. But the need to communicate clearly, fully, and without the assumption anger assumed to be present on the part of the other is more fully recognized by both of us as a necessity for maximizing the lifetime happiness of both of us. The days that followed were heavily sprinkled with more "challenges" - a day's loss of dial-up, inability to get Norton Internet Security renewal (still running on the unexpired one though) for almost a week and needed repair to a broken water irrigation line were just three of them. We weathered these and the rest without a hitch - our lifetime happiness curves are looking great!!
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